


crackheads only, the novel

by crud



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Jared Kleinman, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Nonbinary Rich Goranski, Not Canon Compliant, References to Depression, Trans Evan Hansen, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, also, but they were still bullied before than, chat fic, emo but also soft, hopefully a decent one though yeet, im pretending rich only started bullying michael and jere in junior year, jeremy and michael were bullied by... Others, lowkey a vent fic?? idk man this is getting more emo, the squipcident happened sophomore year but the squip squad didn't become a friend group, they will tho, this is gonna be a disaster, this takes place just before the school year starts in each musical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crud/pseuds/crud
Summary: 13 teens with access to phones and an app called Discord all find a link to a server a few weeks before school starts.Most of them don't really know each other, but maybe... maybe this'll be kind of nice...~~or: everyone is a dork and i can't take it anymore~~or: i love my discord internet friends and i wanted to write a chatfic that they might never read,,





	1. michael just wants friends

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! y'all know my track record with updating stories but i just wanted to take a crack at this,, speaking of discord chats and such though,,, join my discord!! it really sad im lonely lmao: https://discord.gg/wqyFgAk

Maybe Michael hadn't been thinking things through when he made a Discord server and posted the link on his Tumblr. Nevermind, he  _definitely_ hadn't been thinking things through, but Jeremy would probably see the link and join it now that he'd stopped ignoring– _hurting, shoving, glaring, **loser**_ –Michael, and they'd make a bunch of friends. Sophomore year would never happen again, right? Right?

He returned his gaze to his phone when it buzzed in his hand.

\------

»» Hey! Listen!  **Queere** has joined!

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:** howdy cowboys can i get a yeehaw

**Queere** **:** stfu

**Queere:** is it  j u s t  u s ?

**cthulhu ate my asshole:** _c AN i gET A yEEhAW_

**Queere:** .. hawyee

**cthulhu ate my asshole:** aw man

**cthulhu ate my asshole:** like, youre gonna make me use 1% of my power

**Queere:**  ur so draamatc, fine

**Queere:** yeehaw

**cthulhu ate my asshole:** thank

**Queere:** welc

»» It's  **bich**! Praise the sun! \\[T]/

**bich:** Hey losers

**Queere** **:** n _o_

****cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  **sorry nothing personal but that word is officially banned, slip-ups or unknowing uses not-withstanding

**bich:** Um. Okay?? Tf???

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  wait tf do you have autocorrect on? or autocapital?

**bich:** Yeet 

**Queere:** deadass??

**bich:** Yeah tf??

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  i- ive never met a teen with,,,,,, autocapitols before  _faints mellodramatically oml haha im so funny_

**Queere:** stfu you spelled it wrong

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  shut your bitch ass up im emo

**bich:** Emo? EMo? Le-lemme tell you about Emo, sonny boy- i once bleached my hair just so i could dye the front of it red, and it  _still hasn't faded actually fucking kill me_

**Queere:** ~~~~this is so sad, keanu, play alternative top ten

**bich:** Wait tf Keanu??

**Queere:** oh oof squip joke yeet

**bich:** ShIt man you have one?? I-I know how to get rid of them if you need to

**bich:** I only got rid of mine at the end of Sophomore year, had it since halfway through Freshman

**Queere:** hell, dude, i got mine halfway through sophomore, got rid of it at the end of the year, made me ditch my best friend

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**   _quietly walks in_   ~~i was the bes friend yeET~~

**bich:** Damn, small world lmao

**bich:** Oh uhhh btw,, names?? pronouns?? I'm Rich (actually Richard but I'll actually just defenestrate myself and cry if I'm called that yeet We Love Triggers Here), they/them pls do not bully me I am small and weak

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  oh thank you goddess we love diversity here

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  im michael, feel free to use nichnames as long as theyre not feminine, he/him (trans guy yEET but dw u can bully me i crave attention)

**Queere:** dont bully him he'll actually cry

****cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  **wtf dont expose me

**bich:** Lmao

**Queere** **:** aNyWaY im Jeremy Heere (u see i am vv funny hAHA LAUGH AT MY NAME I CRAVE VALIDATION) he/him they/them she/her idfk gender's a social construct

**bich:**  [ur validation](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/180003316346080087/)

****cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  **tea

»»  **audrey 2**  has joined the server! It's super effective!

**Queere:** _oh shit a new person_

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  howdy ho laddy welcome aboard my pirate ship

**Queere:** tf

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  srry srry hi new person!!

**audrey 2:** ~~wh~~

**bich:** Oof oof welcome to hell, can I have your name, pronouns, and the last four numbers of your credit card, c'mon Fortniters

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  tf

**Queere:** tf

**Audrey 2:** tf

**bich:** You guys don't know that meme?? HeCK gott a blAST

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  oh its a meme makes sense

**Queere:** yee

**audrey 2** **:** um. hi. i'm evan?? he him, trans male

**bich:** Shit I forgot the new one I'm so sorry for this terrible first impression

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  ^^^

**Queere:** rt

**audrey 2:** it's fine dw lmao

**audrey 2:** should you pin the intros?? they'll probs get lost in the disaster this gc seems to be

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  damn i just got called out by a plant

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  fair point tho 

**cthulhu ate my asshole** pinned  _"um. hi. i'm evan?? he him, trans male"_ to #general

**cthulhu ate my asshole** pinned  _"Oh uhhh btw,, names?? pronouns?? I'm Rich (actually Richard but I'll actually just defenestrate myself and cry if I'm called that yeet We Love Triggers Here), they/them pls do not bully me I am small and weak"_ to #general 

**cthulhu ate my asshole** pinned  _"im michael, feel free to use nichnames as long as theyre not feminine, he/him (trans guy yEET but dw u can bully me i crave attention)"_ to #general

**cthulhu ate my asshole** pinned  _"aNyWaY im Jeremy Heere (u see i am vv funny hAHA LAUGH AT MY NAME I CRAVE VALIDATION) he/him they/them she/her idfk gender's a social construct"_ to #general

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  ugh that took so much effort

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  guys

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  ,,,

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  fellow sailors aboard my pirate ship??

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  tf whered yall go its been fifteen minutes

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  are yall sleeping what time is it??

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  oh. shit. 'tis 7 am

**cthulhu ate my asshole** **:**  gotTA BLAST

\------

»» Cheers, love! BreadRollan is here!

**BreadRollan:** Hello!

**BreadRollan:** shit. theyre..... night dwellers

**bich:** Tf

**BreadRollan:** gotta bla _ST_


	2. is it a cult or just a Gen Z™ thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Queere:** are you high rn
> 
>  **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yes Daddy
> 
>  **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  jkjk hes not a Daddy but a Father™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i-i apologize?? also blease join my server im desperate bleASE: https://discord.gg/NgVsB83
> 
> blease i am just a poor lonely farmer with no friends  
> ALSO check out NicoAndTheNineGalaxies, they're iconic and they write reALLY HECKING GOOD STORIES, im co-writing one with them and one of my other Pals blease i am like the Jeremiah i crave Validation™

\------

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** yo wtf whend the new person get here i just woke up

 **audrey 2:** michael what the hell its 4pm

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** ive done worse

 **bich:** MichAEL WTH ITS FOUR PM

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** ivE DONE WORSE

 **Queere** **:** is typing...

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** wtf you dweeb did you rlly just type 'is typing' wth kinda-

 **Queere:** alright Bitch if i came here to be bullied id have called my mom

 **bich:** Oof

 **audrey 2:**  oof

 **BreadRollan:**  oof

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** oof

 **Queere:** that hurt me more than it will ever hurt you and i regret everything

 **Queere:** wow look a distraction

 **Queere:** newcomer! Who are you, name, pronouns, anything else, we're all memes here, nothing to worry about!

 **BreadRollan:** i could catch Dumbass, there's a lot to be worried about

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh scrEw yOu mAn  _squeaky nerd voice_

 **BreadRollan:** okay, that was a good one, you're worth my time

 **BreadRollan:** Hi! I'm Jenna Rollan, she/her, and i'm most certainly not straight!

 **cthulhu ate my asshole** pinned  _"Hi! I'm Jenna Rollan, she/her, and i'm most certainly not straight!"_ to #general

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** mood

 **bich:** mood

 **audrey 2:** mood

 **Queere:** mood

 **BreadRollan:** I'm glad we share the Not Straight™

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yes

 **bich:** Stfu Michael you read furry fics

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  sHUT TF UR MOUTH WTF I DO NOT?????

 **Queere:** don't worry micha we're all friends here

 **BreadRollan:** I are have concern

 **audrey 2:** I be feeling like that sometimes

\------

 **audrey 2:** damn never felt betrayal like this before no one replied it's been three hours plEASE

\------

 **audrey 2:**   _damn_

\------

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yknow i just met yall but you seem really cool i'm glad i mad e this server

 **bich:** ~~gay~~

 **bich:**  Y'all

 **BreadRollan:** yall

 **audrey 2:** yall

 **Queere:** yall

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  alright Listen

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   you guys are being MEan to ME and i am just tryu g to be soft and give you my lve and affection  _blows fire_

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   ~~ _lmao i guess you could say this server just became pretty lit_~~

 **BreadRollan:** Please ban yourself. Its for the greater good, sweets

 ** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  **rude

 **Queere:** are you high rn

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  fyck u

 **Queere:** thats a yes ugh pm me when you're sober

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yes Daddy

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  jkjk hes not a Daddy but a Father™

 **bich:** Woah wth your high??? Like, weed????

 **audrey 2:** uh-

 **BreadRollan:** Yo, you ok dude??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yeee bich, ??? tf evan??, and lmao im going into junior year is anyone ok??

 **Queere:** do you guys have a problem with that?

 **bich:** No, I just have Concern. Also, same, I'm abotu to be a junior

 **BreadRollan:** ^^^

 **audrey 2:** ^^^^^

 **Queere:** _good_

 **Queere:** don't forget to pm me micha

\---Private Message: **cthulhu ate my asshole** ,  **Queere** \---

 **Queere:** micha it's been a  _while_

 **Queere:** youre not still high are you?

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  wh-

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  shit no im not online gotta go

 **Queere:** _miCHAEL_

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  im nt here

 **Queere:** alright who tf do you think youre fooling you didnt even make yourslef invis, you didn't stop typing, c'mon michael

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  stfu 

 **Queere:** well thats a defeat if ive ever heard one

 **Queere:** ar e you still high

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  no

 **Queere:** _good_ , what happened??

 **Queere:** you said you'd stop

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yeah, well, you also said we'd 'never not be a team' but promises get broken sometimes

 **Queere:** oof

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  sorry

 **Queere:** no its fine i probs deserved that lol

 **Queere:** but srsly, whats going on??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  oh um

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  i guess i just,,

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  couldnt fight the urge lmao haha

 **Queere:** okay, but  _why_

 **Queere:** if you want to tell me, ofc

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  um. just,, felt,, upset for not reason and figured getting high was better than

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   _yknow_

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   ** _the alternative_**

 **Queere:** oof yeah

 **Queere:** ple _ASE_ talk to me next time tho

 **Queere:** you know im here for you, for real this time, i promise micha

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  ,,and if christine asks you out or smth?

 **Queere:** who have i known longer??

 **Queere:** yeah, shed be important, but tbh i dont rlly like her anymore

 **Queere:** youre my fav person micha, you come first

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** oh. okay

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  thanks, ur my fav too 

 **Queere:** <3

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  <3

\---crackheads only, 5 members online---

 **bich:** Where'd everyone go, you're all online

 **BreadRollan:** Literally no one was speaking, why would we be active?

 **bich:** Look if i wanted to be destroyed mentally, physically, and emotionally, I'd have gone to my dad

 **bich:**   ~~ _shit_~~

 **Queere:** wAit rICH

 **audrey 2:** wH-

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  rICh are you okay????

 **BreadRollan:** UM. RiCH DO YOU NEED THE COPS OR SMTH?

 **bich:** No!!! Shit just delete that message please

 **audrey 2:** thats not all that convincing-

 **BreadRollan:** Dude, are you sure? We're here for you

 **bich:** yall probs dont even live near me-

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  where do you live??

 **bich:** Ugh I probably shouldn't say this but Red Bank, NJ

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  wait a fuckin second-

 **Queere:** hold tf up-

 **BreadRollan:** WhAT-

 **bich:** What's the issue??

 **Queere:** michael and I live there

 **BreadRollan:** Me too???

 **audrey 2:** oof I'm 6 hours away hh

 **audrey 2:** im in rochester, though

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  no fucking way do we all live so close to each other

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  and 6 hours isnt that far if we all meet halfway, holy  _shit_

 **audrey 2:** oh shit you're right

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   _i kNOW_

 **Queere:** but like actual issue

 **Queere:** we probs go to the same school or something, if u need help, rich, come to us

 **BreadRollan:** ^^

 ** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**** ^^^

 **audrey 2:** im not close to you but im good with words sometimes?? i'll help however i can

 **bich** **:** Oh. Thanks, but idk what y'all look like??

 **BreadRollan:** hm, that's... a fair point

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   ~~(oh, so _he_ can say "y'all" but not me?? discrimination)~~

 **Queere:**   ~~(shut up this is serious)~~

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   ~~(oof that hurted)~~

 **bich:** Lmao

 **bich:** Idk ab y'all, but I don't really feel comfortable sharing my face just yet??  _especially_ if we'll see each other in school

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  a fair mood

 **Queere:** ^

 **audrey 2:** I don't go to your school but ^^

 **BreadRollan:** ^^^

 **bich:** glad to see we're all in agreement.

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  ,, i still want to help tho

 **bich:** Dw ab it, I've dealt with it for a while, I just,,, made a joke in poor taste

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  hhh okat,,, stay safe, or try your best y'all

 **Queere:** yes, and you too

 **bich:** ^

 **audrey 2:** ^

 **BreadRollan:** ^

Welcome  **screams in *proper lady***. Leave your weapons by the door.

It's a bird! It's a plane! Nevermind, it's just  **cries in *perfection***.

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  oh shit 2 new ppl

 **Queere:** dman

 **bich:** dman

 **BreadRollan** **:** dman

 **audrey 2:** dman

 ** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  **dman

 **Queere:** screw you guys

 **Queere:** anY WAY

 **Queere:** new people! introduce yourself! name, age/what grade youre going into, pronouns, and if you feel like it, the town/city you live in

 **screams in *proper lady*:** Oh, okay. Hi, my name is Alana, I'm 17 (about to be a senior), she/her, and I live in Rochester

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  proper

 **Queere:** exactly dumbass-

 **bich:** Read the username, mIChael

 **cries in *perfection*:** alright, Guess So, i'm Zoe, she/her, 16 (ab to be a junior), and i live in Rochester

 **audrey 2:** no fukcing way whatt the fuyck

 **BreadRollan:** You okay Evan??

 **audrey 2:** no im the fuck no okay, imight go to school lwith these ppl ive alresdy started showing the crachhead wft this is discriminsation

 **cries in *perfection*:** oof, i'm guessing you live in rochester then?? 

 **bich:** read up

 **screams in *proper lady** ***** **:** Don't worry, Evan! I don't judge, and neither does Zoe, I've known her for a little while! Besides, we don't know what you look like, anyway!

 **audrey 2:** hhhhhhhhhhh okay guess so i hate fevrything

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  if that aint my biggest mood-

 **Queere:** ^^

 **BreadRollan:** Lmao


	3. want a little pot??

**cthulhu ate my asshole:** guys guys

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** want a little pot??

 **Queere:** michael pls its not even tomorrow don't tell me youre high again

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** what?? wdym?? i just wanna know if you want a little pot

 **bich:** Boi what is pot used for?

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** ,,,,flowers??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** i like ceramics, so im making little pots! when we meet, i can give you one, or mail them to alana and zoe and evan!

 **BreadRollan:** Oml you pure boy

 **audrey 2:** lad aren't you supposed to be the pothead??

 **screams in *proper lady*:** Have you been getting enough sleep, Michael??

Queere: probably not

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** bois. i just. want to. make. some. dAmn. pots. i need an excuse to do this plEase do you wany some lil pots i didnt ask for an intervention, blEAsE

 **cries in *perfection*:** mood

 **bich:** Damn sorry for are having Concern

 **audrey 2:** lmao

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  dO YOU WANT POTS OR NOT PLEASE LOrD

 **Queere:** yee

 **bich:** Yeah

 **audrey 2:** yes please!

 **BreadRollan:** Um okay

 **cries in *perfection*:** guess so

 **screams in *proper lady*:** If you don't mind?

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  tHANK YOU jESuS chRIST HOW LONG CAN IT TAKE TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION HOLY SHIT

 **cries in *perfection*:** sorry lol

 **Queere:** i practically live with you, you could've just asked me in person

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  stfu im emo

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   _sucks in a DEEP breath_

**Queere: _dont do it_**

**bich:** Is he ab to-

 **screams in *proper lady*:** I'm confused?? Why are y'all so scared???

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

 **BreadRollan:** **_burn it_ **

**cries in *perfection*:** wwtF

 **screams in *proper lady*:**   _O-Oh_

**Queere: _ ~~banned~~_**

**audrey 2:** i-i think i'm gonna,,,

 **audrey 2:** _emoify_

 **bich:** Ho don't do it

 **audrey 2:** “Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!  
  
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.  
  
“Nothing.” he said shyly.  
  
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  YES MY INFLUENCE

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  SPREAD YOUR WINGS

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  AND EMOIFY

 **Queere:** CURSED

 **bich:** dESTROY IT

 **screams in *proper lady*:** I-I-

 **screams in *proper lady*:** Ever since the accident-

 **cries in *perfection*:** i crave the sweet release of death

 **BreadRollan:** "I'm Vampire Potter"

**bich: _CURSED_**

**audrey 2:** OUR POWER

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  THE EMOS SHALL RISE

 **BreadRollan:** AHAHAHA

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   ~~on a completely separate note, jere, wanna come over??~~

 **Queere:**   ~~yeet ok~~

 **cries in *perfection*:** wholesome

\------

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  yooooo have yallever tried pouttinfg coffee i . your bowl instead of milk when you have cereal?? 

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  like, you make coffee (with milk not water) and you dont put sugar in it

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  instead you put some sugary ass cereal in a bowl (highly rec honey nut cheerios)

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  and pour in the coffee after, and then the sugery cereal sweete s the coffee

 **bich:** Boi tf its 3 am

 **Queere:** rich but just Listen alright

 **Queere:** its rlly fucking good

 **audrey 2:** bois tf its  _3 am blease_

 **BreadRollan:** Someone, somewhere,  _help them_

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  EVERYTHING IS FINE IM JUST PICASSO AND JEREMIAH IS MY ASSISSTANT WELCOME TO MY KITCHEN

 **Queere:** WE HAVE BANANIES AND FUCKIN COFEFE SCEREAL

 **cries in *perfection*:** i think im losing braincells

 **screams in *proper lady*:** Um, are you two alright? I mean, damn, guys

 **Queere:** oh shit

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   _oh shit_

 **Queere:**   _gotta go_

 **** **cthulhu ate my asshole:**   _gOTTABLAST_

_\------_

**bich:**  yo @ **cthulhu ate my asshole** you never pinned zoe ad alanas intros

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  OOOF GOTTA GO

 **cthulhu ate my asshole**  pinned  _"Oh, okay. Hi, my name is Alana, I'm 17 (about to be a senior), she/her, and I live in Rochester"_  to #general

 **cthulhu ate my asshole**  pinned  _"alright, Guess So, i'm Zoe, she/her, 16 (ab to be a junior), and i live in Rochester"_  to #general

Welcome  **kingsman villain**. Leave your weapons by the door.

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  introduce yourself real fsast its seven am and i need time to be gay beofre the apple of my eye wajes up

 **kingsman villain:** ummm okay????? hi I'm Chloe, 16, and ive been an addict for twelve yeers

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  okay mood

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  a meme, but a mood

 **cthulhu ate my asshole**  pinned  _"ummm okay????? hi I'm Chloe, 16, and ive been an addict for twelve yeers"_  to #general

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  bye fuckers

 **kingsman villain:** guess So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a short chapter, i felt like writing but i didnt want anything plot heavy hhhhhhh also the crackhead was both too strong and not strong eniough, i very much apology
> 
> ~eggiot


	4. in which jerebiah is confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queere: hey guys, whats up??
> 
> kingsman villain: Your boyf is soft
> 
> Queere: my,,,, boyf??
> 
> kingsman villain: Yeah, your boyfriend
> 
> kingsman villain: Michael?/
> 
> Queere: we're not,,, what
> 
> bich: @cthulu ate my asshole dont read up
> 
> cthulhu ate my asshole: shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo whats this?? im very gay lmao

\---crackheads only, 3 online---

 **Queere:** hey guys, whats up??

 **kingsman villain:** Your boyf is soft

 **Queere:** my,,,, boyf??

 **kingsman villain:** Yeah, your boyfriend

 **kingsman villain:** Michael?/

 **Queere:** we're not,,, what

 **bich:** _**@cthulhu ate my asshole**_ don't read up Jeremy

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** shit-

 **Queere:** well thats always a cue to read up, sooo

 **Queere:** micha wait what-

 **Queere:** 'apple of my eye' ??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** wow. suddenly i cannot read, see, hear, smell, taste, or feel

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:** all six senses: pOOf

 **Queere:** so we're not talking ab this??

 **cthulhu:** do yall hear smth??

 **bich:** oof

 **audrey 2:** thats rough

 **cries in *perfection*:** tragic

 **screams in *proper lady*:** Oh, dear

 **kingsman villain:** ,,,, Did I say smth wrong???

 **bich:** yes

 **kingsman villain:** goD daMmit this is why mom doesnt fUCKING loVE ME

 **cries in *perfection*:** mood

 **audrey 2:** that really shouldn't be a mood

 **cries in *perfection*:** ,,but it is though??

 **audrey 2:** gosh diddly darn, well, i tried

\---Private Message:  **cthulhu ate my asshole** ,  **Queere** \---

 **Queere:** heyy,,

 **Queere:** what the heckity heck was that about??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  i cant read, sorry

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  did you say 'the cow eats the pecks of crows'??

 **Queere:** miCha

 **Queere:** im tRying to be SERioUS

 **Queere:** im also At your House, like, in it, i will stand outside the bathroom until you unlock it

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  no

 **Queere:** so you cAn read it??

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  n,,no

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  shut uP

 **Queere:** uGH JUST FACD YOUR EMOTES

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  fINE DAMN MA IS IT THAT SERIOUS

 **Queere:** yEs

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  daMn alright cHILL she pulled a sNEAKY

 **Queere:** tf

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  hhhh do i have to tho

\---crackheads only, 6 online

 **BreadRollan:** lmao

 **BreadRollan:** Dude you suck at being controlling, like, damn

 **audrey 2:** alright hEck you too

 **audrey 2:** its not like we live anywhere near each other

 **bich:**...

 **BreadRollan:** ...

 **kingsman villain:** ...

 **cries in *perfection*:**...

 **screams in *proper lady*:** ...

 **audrey 2:** what??

 **bich:**... give it a second

 **audrey 2:** oH HELL SHE LIVES IN MY TOWN

 **BreadRollan:** lmAO IM SOBBING

 **bich:** Yo chill it wasn't that funny

 **bich:** Hilarious? Yes, A Real Tearjerker? Not quite

 **BreadRollan:** don't invalidate me

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  centennial (gen z for UNINFORMED INDIVIDUALS) culture is invalidating yourself and then being offended when someone else invalidates you

 **kingsman villain:** dman, ulitimate callout post

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  hehhehheheheheheh

 **Queere:** disaster

 **cthulhu ate my asshole:**  dO YAL: HEAR SMTH???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow... *gazes apathetically at michael falling apart at my fingertips* isn't that interesting...
> 
> sorry for such a short chapter!!! its just,,, i checked the word count,,, and it was exactly 420 and that was an opportunity i couldnt miss out on,,,,,,, also blame the discord server they encouraged me to do this ( https://discord.gg/8scvy7r )
> 
> aNYwaY,, I hope y'all enjoyed!! micha and jere wILL eventually get their shit together, and the rest of the chapters will be longer than this one!


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